How I became a Christian
I was born and raised in a Christian family. I was baptized as an infant, and was made to go to church all my life. It was especially my Grandmother, who is still a great woman of faith, who insisted in me going to church every Sunday. Being a spoilt only-child, I was not the best behaved kid, but for some reason I did not resist going to church. I had believed in the existence of God, but that was the extent of my faith. I often fell asleep during sermons, and the Gospel of Jesus meant nothing to me but a confusing theory. My theology was, if just before I die I say sorry to God, I would go to heaven. How proud and confused I was!
In high school, I tried to hide my insecurities of being a 'weak, four-eyed Asian kid' by acting tough and threatening to fight anyone who attempted to make fun of me. I loved violence and picking fights, and I loved to make fun of kids who were weaker than me, as it made me look strong. I joined a rock band, as I had interest in music and realized I had some song-writing skills. Due to the friends I made through this band, I took up drinking at 15 years of age and loved going to parties and getting drunk, as that made me feel I was part of the crowd. What was worst of all my ungodly living in high school was that I told all my friends that I was a Christian. This false profession while I knew nothing of the cross of Jesus Christ, and while I was living a filthy and sinful life, is something I will regret for the rest of my life.
However at this time, I happened to go to a church camp in Korea during my vacation there. Though I forced myself to pray and sing the songs, my heart was hardly in it. But at the end of it, I came to a place where I confessed unto God my sins saying, 'Lord God, I have loved violence more than You'. I had tears running down from my eyes. Looking back I feel it was a genuine confession, but it was not repentance, as I soon went back to my old life.
I came back to Australia, and after this experience, I had somehow convinced myself I was now a believer of Jesus (though I was not), and joined myself to different activities in the church. I confessed the more that I was a Christian, though I was still setting a horrible moral example. I joined the church choir, while I was singing ungodly songs in my rock band. I played guitar for the worship team. One time, I was even the leader of the youth group, though I was still living an immoral life. I went to prayer meetings, and did many things in the church. I truly believed myself to be Christian. At this time I began to read the Bible, but only read the Proverbs and Psalms as I did not understand what other books meant. The real reason why I read the Bible was because I was praying, and thought if I read the Bible, God would more be pleased with me and answer my prayer requests. What selfish motives I had!
At that time, a missionary pastor from another church came to our Friday prayer meeting. This man after the meeting approached me and asked me a strange question: "Are you saved?" I told him that I was, full of confidence. Actually, I didn’t know what he meant. But he asked me, "Do you love God?" I felt I did, so I told him I loved God. Then He asked me another question: "Do you know God?" When he asked me that, I didn't know what to answer him. It began to dawn in me that I actually did not know God at all, though I went to church and I was so involved in the activities. Then the man said to me, "If you say you love God, but you don't know Him, how can that make sense? You have to know someone to love someone. Read the Bible and it'll tell you who God is."
And after talking to this evangelist, there was a sudden hunger and curiosity to know God through the Bible. The pastor had also told me something that stroke a chord with me: "Have you had food today? If you had food, why haven't you read the Bible? God says by every word from His mouth we live". I truly felt my soul hungry, and I believed if I read God's word, this hunger would be satisfied.
I went home and began to read from the beginning of Matthew to end of Revelation. Nothing happened. So I began reading the Old Testament from Genesis. By the time I finished reading the whole Bible (this took nearly a year), I believe at this time the Holy Spirit came and began to convict me of my sins, to show me who I really was. I saw the wrath of God displayed in the Old Testament towards sinners. I understood that God is a holy God, who destroys all unclean things that came near Him. This holy, righteous and good God was not the God that I had thought in my imagination. I was not worthy of this God.
I came to a point where the Law began to work in me so much that I felt so burdened and condemned of my sins. And because the Law provoked me, I began to sin more wicked sins in my thoughts, especially of blasphemy towards God and Jesus Christ. I felt so guilty, but I remember at one time I heard a voice saying, "That's why I'm here". Looking back, it was the voice of Jesus, but I didn't understand then what it meant.
One day, I came to a point where I felt so guilty, especially of my blasphemous thoughts against Jesus, that I fell down and cried to God "Punish me! Punish me! Just strike me down!" I felt I deserved punishment, and that I deserved to die. I wanted to disappear from the face of the earth because of my sins.
But when I stopped saying those words and stood up from praying, I suddenly understood the cross of Jesus Christ. I saw a vision of Jesus Christ hanging on the cross. I realized finally what it meant. I understood that because He was punished for me, I was cleared of my sins and I was no longer condemned. Because He died, I can go free and not have to be judged for my sins. And I also remembered what the evangelist had told me: "If you only believe, you will live". So I understood that it is by simply faith in Christ that I am forgiven and that I am saved. So I believed, and was converted on that day.
Most of all, I fell in love with the love of Jesus Christ, who died for even my blasphemous thoughts against Him. That was what turned my whole being upside down. How could He die for such evil and wicked sins, that I had sinned against His own self. I also realized how much I had ignored this Son of God all my life, who loved me so much. So I gave my life to Him.
I immediately began sharing the Gospel in the church, and realized how much the Gospel and Jesus was being neglected even in the church. I made my own tracts and began to preach the Gospel to people at the mall. Though I was not good at it, I just had a feeling that if I didn't do it, no one would. After this time I was asked by my pastor to lead the choir as a conductor. I was still in the rock band, but being convicted of the Spirit, I left the rock band to devote my musical talents to God in the choir. I never really liked rock or secular music from that time.
One day, my friends from high school met me in the city while I was talking to an unbeliever. They were at first glad to see an old friend. Then they asked me what I was doing. I hesitantly told them I was sharing the Gospel. One of them had his jaws dropped and asked me, "You're kidding, right?" I told them I wasn't. From that moment my old friends began to really desert me and probably thought I had lost my mind. But I never regret what I did on that day. It was a stamp of God that I was no longer who I was, and that I was now not of this world but of God.
Since my conversion, I've had victories over my sins and unbelief, and witnessed glimpses of God’s glory. I've also had many struggles with sin and went through seasons of disobedience. But through it all I thank God who has never deserted me, and who has had patience with me, even until now. Though I still lack a thousand things, I love this God who teaches me in every thing, and tries my faith that it may become as gold. The Bible verse is true, that He has “never left me nor forsaken me”, through all my battles with my own self. There were times I was faithless, but He was still faithful towards me. Through failures and outward trials God has taught me many things, and has humbled me. Through suffering God has refreshed again and again my faith in the Gospel and shaped my knowledge of Him to be more aligned with the truth. I will continue to trust in this God who saved me, and is continuing to save me, and I thank Him for training my hands for war, that I become a solider of Christ.
Thank you for reading my story. I would like to leave you with a passage that seems to closely describe my life as a child of God:
Romans 8:36-39 (KJV)
As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord
Disclaimer for this blog
The posts on this blog are my commentaries and interpretations of the Bible. They are written briefly during my personal Bible study time. I work hard to make sure my interpretations are biblical, but of course they are not infallible. I don't spend a lot of time editing what I write. They may contain errors. If you have any questions you are welcome to email me on seankong14@hotmail.com or leave a comment. Blessings!
